norvalwilhelm

Subject: Diary of a Snow Shoveler

Diary of a Snow Shoveler...
December 8 - 6:00 PM. It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!


December 9 - We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow

covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the Whole World? Moving here was the best idea I've ever had. Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life.


December 12 - The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a

disappointment. My neighbor tells me not to worry, we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. l don't think that's possible. Bob is such a nice man, I'm glad he's our neighbor.


December 14 - Snow lovely snow! 8" last night. The temperature dropped

to-20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish l wouldn't huff and puff so.


December 15 - 20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer.

Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all.


December 16 - Ice storm this morning. Fell on my butt on the ice in the

driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an hour, Which I think was very cruel.


December 17 - Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere.

Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her. God I hate it when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.


December 20 - Electricity's back on, but had another 14" of the damn stuff

last night. More shoveling. Took all day. shoot snowplow came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying.


December 22 - Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more

inches of the white poopie fell today, and it's so cold it probably won't melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to ****. By the time I got undressed, pissed and dressed again. I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter; but he says he's too busy. I think the butt is lying.


December 23 - Only 2" of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife

wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she nuts!!! Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did but I think she's lying.


December 24 - 6." Snow packed so hard by snowplow, l broke the shovel.

Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son of a bitch who drives that snow plow I'll drag him through the snow by his ***** and beat him to death with my broken shovel. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was too busy watching for the damn snowplow.


December 25 - Merry f---ing Christmas! 20 more inches of the damn slop

tonight. Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God I hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's a fricking idiot. If I have to watch "It's A. Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to stuff her into the microwave.


December 26 - Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It was

all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves.


December 27 - Temperature dropped to-30 and the pipes froze, plumber

came after 14 hours of waiting for him, he only charged me 1,400 to replace all my pipes.


December 28 - Warmed up to above-20. Still snowed in. THE BITCH is

driving me crazy!!!


December 29 - 10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it

could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?


December 30 - Roof caved in. I beat up the snow plow driver he is now

suing me for a million dollars not only the beating I gave him but also for trying to shove the broken snow shovel up his butt. The wife went home to her mother.
9" predicted.


December 31 - I set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling.


January 8 - Feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving

me. Why am I tied to the bed?

70PurpleLS7

That's why this year I broke down and bought a snow blower... Used it last week and believe me it sure is scweet!!!! :cheers:

Robert N

Live in the AZ desert...wife wants to move back to NC....Heck, I have a "will not cross the Mississississippi (forget how hany 'ss' there are) from Oct 31 through April 29 policy" in effect after stuck in Atlanta last year.

'79ProwlerOrange

all work and no play make jack a dull boy. all work and no play make jack a dull boy.
all work and no play make jack a dull boy. all work and no play make jack a dull boy.
all work and no play make jack a dull boy. all work and no play make jack a dull boy.
all work and no play make jack a dull boy. all work and no play make jack a dull boy.
all work and no play make jack a dull boy. all work and no play make jack a dull boy.
all work and no play make jack a dull boy. all work and no play make jack a dull boy.
all work and no play make jack a dull boy. all work and no play make jack a dull boy.
all work and no play make jack a dull boy. all work and no play make jack a dull boy.
all work and no play make jack a dull boy. all work and no play make jack a dull boy.
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Wrencher

Supposed to get 6 feet in the next series of storms at the Tahoe house. Glad I hired the neighbor with the plow early...

Hans

BSeery

Hmmmm,

I don't seem to have this sort of problem for some reason.



EDIT: DAMN -- 46 degrees at 9:30 in the morning --- brrrrrrrrrr !! - Should get to about 70ish though.


[Modified by BSeery, 10:26 AM 12/12/2002]

69 N.O.X. RATT

I grew up in Washinton state and Idaho, I do not miss the snow. I am in Southern California, and have my windows open and my take the Vette out for a drive today.

It is 10:00 am and 70 degrees out side.

john's '81 mouse

Norval:

Just a quick note to say thank you for sharing this absolutely hilarious piece!!

I've share it with a couple of co-workers, and wanted you to know that you've helpped make some people in the mid-west snow belt have a really good laugh today!

Cajun99

You Sir, have convinced me that even though I can't stand living in the Banana Republic of Lousyana....I AIN'T MOVIN' UP THERE!!!! :eek: :D

Funny reading...Thanks :cheers:

Frank75

:lol: :lol: :lol:

I grew up in Canada and always prided myself on shoveling the driveway BY HAND, even when I lived in the snowbelt.

The best Christmas present ever was the snowblower I got when we moved to Maine 3 years ago! Why didn't I have one of these before?!! What was I thinking?!! :smash: :smash: :smash:

Monkeywrench

:iagree:

ram82fire

Norval that is a good one , we just got back from our annual hunting trip ,,,,,the temp hovered in the area of -20 and it snowed for a week. I really enjoyed the post !

PS I have a snowblower

g :lol:

Pedro'74

Snow blower? C'mon, guys! Real men shovel snow by hand! :jester

BTW, today I wasted more than one hour of my life practicing this damn sport! When I die I'll demand to have this hour back! :crazy:

-Pedro

docmow

boy i wish it would sell my snowblowers and off to California for rest of winter
docmow

Schmucker

That's insane. We've had an indian summer so far. No snow that has stayed. The last snow stayed for about 4 days, some traces because it is cold, otherwise the brown grass still shows. This is Wisconsin too.

Paul L

Whay year? Not this obviously. 1998?

74FLCONV

"Snow"? What's "snow"?

D. Ocean
Miami, FLA

A C

Minnesota probably can relate to Canada more than any other of the lower 48 states (it's the coldest), but as of today, the weather has been mild. We have had almost a week of 40's (fahrenheit). Feels like spring! :)

AC

Tominator

Pushing the snow blower is way to much work, finally got rid of it and got a blade for my mower.

Last winter, my neighbor was out doing his driveway same time as me and had a heart attack and died right there.:eek: :nonod: :sad:

BSeery

They make exercise machines that simulate stair-climbing, walking and running on the tread mill, they have cross country skiers and elliptical machines and even rowing machines.

What they really need to do is to make an exercise machine based off of snow shoveling !! That by far is one of the hardest things on the cardio system.