OVEREAGER, CANADA SENDS SMOKESCREEN OVER
U.S. BEFORE CANADIAN INVASION PLANS FINISHED
Canada Also Discloses It Has Invaded U.S. 113 Times, But No One Has Noticed
Ottawa (SatireWire.com) — Embarrassed Canadian generals today conceded an overzealous officer defied orders and started fires in Quebec to shroud the eastern seaboard in smoke before Canada had finished preparing its full-scale invasion of the United States.
Canadian smokescreen blinds eastern U.S. (Source: NOAA)
As a result, the classic war maneuver of blinding the enemy in advance of an attack — the smoke now blankets American skies as far south as Washington, D.C. — was wasted, said Canada's Defence Chief, Lt. Gen. Ray Henault.
"We were supposed to line up on the border, then start the fires," said a clearly disheartened Henault. "It's not like we can do it again. They'll know it's us. I had a cute little house in the Poconos all picked out, too."
However, several members of Canada's Parliament were furious, and demanded to know why, despite decades of secret planning, the invasion forces were not ready. In response, Deputy Prime Minister John Manley explained that the Canadian military was waiting for approval.
"Whenever we engage in a military operation, and certainly one of this magnitude, we look to our U.S. allies for guidance," said Manley.
"But... but we were going to invade the U.S.," said Toronto MP Tony Ianno.
"Oh, ah....... oh." said Manley.
With the botched invasion now public, Canadian Prime Minister Jean Chretien scrambled to diffuse anger in Washington. Fortunately, his explanation to President Bush has so far succeeded in deflecting American ire. "He told me the smoke wasn't from Quebec," said Bush. "He said it was from al Quebec. Damn, those guys are everywhere."
Despite the lack of surprise, many Canadians have urged the military to push on, arguing that if they can't take the U.S. by force, they can at least sneak into Detroit and take back the Stanley Cup. Gen. Henault, however, urged restraint, noting that Canada has only 70,000 people in its armed forces, while the U.S. has 2 million. That revelation raised eyebrows among several MPs.
"So, if we are short by about 1.9 million soldiers, how, exactly, were we going to pull this invasion off?" asked Ontario MP John Godfrey. "Were we just going to use smoke?"
"And mirrors," said Henault. "Lots and lots of mirrors."
"Well, like I said, the plan wasn't finished," he added.
Meanwhile, Stan Keyes, MP for Hamilton West, suggested Canadians use the ash cover to hide from Washington until relations return to normal. Godrey, however, argued such an effort was unnecessary. "We're in Canada," he said. "Most Americans can't find us now."
{edit} I had to fix a spelling error! Media types can't spell!! {/edit}
Please don't conquer us! I don't want to have to learn French in order to get a government job. :D
PS, If you do decide to conquer us, do you have to bring Quebec with you?
Please don't conquer us! I don't want to have to learn French in order to get a government job. :D
PS, If you do decide to conquer us, do you have to bring Quebec with you?
You don't have to learn French to get a government job but if you want to move up through the ranks, it becomes an issue very quickly.
Do we have to bring Quebec? One of the more interesting discussions which took place during the last decade in Canada was regarding what landmass Quebec would take out of Canada should the separatists fulfill their dream of leaving Canada, strictly aside from the sheer logistical problems of currency and banking, intergovernment relations, pensions, passports and the millions of expensive details that would destroy an independent Quebec before it was ever recognized by the United Nations as an independent entity. Man, that was a sentence!! :lol:
So what lands would Quebec hold? Before Canada formed an indepent dominion in 1867, the borders were completely different. The vast tracts of northern land which now form part of Quebec were not part of Quebec's original landmass. Quebec was a narrow strip of land following the St. Lawrence River. The northern lands were later added to Quebec from the North West Territories by the Federal Government. The Feds giveth, the Feds could taketh away. Of course, the Parti Quebecois (provincial political party dedicated to removing Quebec from Canada) disputed that this could ever happen. Who knows?
Just after the second unsuccessful referendum, it came out that the leader, Jacques Parizeau, sent letters to all serving members of the Canadian Armed Forces of Quebec descent, inviting them to join the forces of the new country of Quebec, in the weeks before the vote was held. In his speech admitting defeat at the polls on the night of the vote, Parizeau blamed the defeat on "the minorities and the Jews" if I remember the quote correctly. He stepped down as leader in the storm of controversy which followed.
The current leader, Bernard Landry, has promised a third referendum within 1000 days. In my experience, the majority of people in Quebec are great citizens, wonderful, charming, passionate and completely myopic about one topic- preserving their French heritage. The politicians exploit this trait to their own ends. Do we have to bring Quebec? A good question. I wish I had the answer. :nonod:
So much for my 'no more politics' resolution. Right, 67?
Corvette Store
(o/t) Another delay!!
